PSA: Daylight Savings

November 2nd, 2014 § 0 comments § permalink

But on to a subject that may be very important for you and your loved ones!

As you are no doubt aware, the Daylight “Savings” deadline passed just this weekend, yet another clever misnomer in the continuing federal scheme to defraud us.  We’re taxed on what we earn, taxed on what we own, taxed on what we spend, and now taxed on how we schedule the very business of living.

Early on the morning of April 4th an hour was stolen from American citizens (certain residents of Indiana and northern Arizona excepted).

Such semantic glosses as the insidious mnemonic “Spring Forward” only highlight the government’s desperate need to slap an optimistic face on what must be termed Daylight Robbery.

Those of historical bent may attempt to legitimate Daylight “Savings” by tracing the idea to founding father Ben Franklin, but wasn’t this the same purveyor of thrift and industry who in his libertine Parisian dalliances practiced nothing Poor Richard preached?

His acclaimed Almanac, as D.H. Lawrence has deconstructed to show, is nothing but a federalist manual aiming to make of an American an automaton and of a democrat a drone.

Have you, then, remembered to file your Federal Daylight Savings Return?

These generally take quite a few months to process and you probably won’t get your hour refunded until mid to late autumn, by which time you can be sure it will have depreciated from a daylight into an evening or nighttime hour, which we know to be inferior in terms of average mental and physical fatigue, what with the day’s collected pollutants malingering in the air.

Available this year are Schedules IRT, Transit Authority, Unannounced Changes to Service, & BMD, Reporting Form for Loss of Time Due to Bureaucracy, Incompetence, or Mechanical Malfunction.  All deductions must be itemized, generally under the sections Post Office, Local Branch; Division of Motor Vehicles, Municipal Office; and Subway Doors That Don’t Open After The Train Has Clearly Stopped.

Perhaps those stray minutes erroneously squandered in anger, frustration, or simple idling, will in cumulative restitution complete your missing hour, or even restore to your life that crucial surplus which seems to have come from nowhere, yet enables you, one fine and hectic morning, to be the last aboard that departing train before its doors separate you from the envious and disappointed on the platform.

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